I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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