No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
