I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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