In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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