I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
