I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
