I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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