he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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