I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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