i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
