One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
