how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize