and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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