I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
