She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
