he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
