Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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