You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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