the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
