I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
