It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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