Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
