the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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