i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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