This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
