why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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