so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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