Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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