It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
