I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
