between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
