when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
