At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
sex in a hospital.. check
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
