ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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