I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
