please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
