i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
