As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
