I am puke
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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