I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
