i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
