Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
