wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
