hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
