ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
