Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
