i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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