there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
