It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
