is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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