she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
