I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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