hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
