There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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