Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
