I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize
