do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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