using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
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