I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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