We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dick very happy bro
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I did not marry a roomba.
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