Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
