I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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