I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
