i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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