I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
