uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
