I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Found the puke drawer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
