Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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