So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
