we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
