she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
