oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
