You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
