we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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