I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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