The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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