just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
