I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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