My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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