So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
