can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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