Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
