I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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