I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
