The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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