How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This is my gift to your gina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
