I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize