Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
