You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
