I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
